punspunspunspunspunspunspunspuns

I have news.

I think after almost a year of malaise, the internet has re-booted to be funny again.

Observe:

And….

Keep on blowin it, world, and I’ll keep on being amused.

• July 07, 2010, 2:16pm

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Johnson gives up ‘strong mayor’ initiative in favor of steroid abuse

thesacramentocee:

DOWNTOWN — Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson released a statement Wednesday that he would officially drop his push and legal fight for a ‘strong mayor’ initiative that would be brought to voters in June.

Conversely, Johnson said in a media event earlier today that he was feeling “juiced” about his future and then asked reporters if anyone wanted to “spot him.” The mayor then removed his suit, revealing a tight-fitting lycra-spandex speedo, and began to do barbell repetitions behind the podium. “Looking good, right?” he asked as photographers snapped pictures.

Johnson’s cryptic behavior comes after months of campaigning for a strong mayor clause to be added to the city charter. In the plan, the mayor would have given Johnson executive power of the city council. Support for the initiative was mixed at best, and the measure was recently blocked from the June ballot by a Superior Court Judge.

When asked about the sudden change of policy from the mayor’s office, Johnson replied, “Oh that? I don’t need that anymore now that I have these,” flexing and kissing the top of his newly-enlarged biceps. “I don’t need any Judge telling me what I can and can’t do. I mean, look at me.” said Johnson, stepping out in full view to reveal his enlarged, well-oiled physique.

The source of Johnson’s new physical stature remains unclear, and aides are remaining tight-lipped about the changes.

Spokesman Steve Maviglio said Johnson had taken up a new diet and exercise regimen that was “heavy on carbs” and “working the core.”

Others are not convinced that Johnson is free of performance-enhancing substances.

A staffer who wished to remain anonymous told the Chronicle that in an altercation after the press conference, Johnson smashed City Manager Toby Ross through a wall in the council chambers while bellowing “MAYOR STRONGGG.”  He then ripped the right arm off of the chambers guard who attempted to subdue him and ran quickly to his office.

• Reblogged from The Sacramento Chronicle

• February 04, 2010, 7:53pm

• Permalink

Roger Duncan, dead at 54, invented popular tattoo trend

I agree. Fuck Winston Churchill.

thesacramentocee:

RANCHO CORDOVA — Roger Duncan, a man recognized for popularizing the immensely popular lower back tattoo placement known as ‘the tramp stamp’ was found dead in his Rancho Cordova mobile home Monday. He was 54.

The coroner’s office says that no cause of death was immediately apparent, and foul play did not appear to be involved. Duncan lived alone in his single-wide trailer at Fancy Estates Mobile Home Park. His property manager, Sheila Erns, stated “she didn’t hear shit” at the time of his death.

Duncan’s neighbor, Patty Kimmish, said Duncan was a “good guy.” “He was always helpin’ me change the propane bottle on the front, and he even did some work on me for free,” she said, pulling down her blouse to reveal the name “Chuck” written in cursive on her right breast. “I mean, fuck that asshole Chuck now, but still, it was the thought that counts.”

Duncan, a Sacramento native, grew up in the Gardenland area, where he completed the 8th grade. He then joined the U.S. Coast Guard, where he received a dishonorable discharge with time served for exploding a latrine. After some trouble with the law, including petty larceny and mail fraud, he found his calling.

“I was in the clink with Roge, sure,” said longtime friend Scott Walker. “He was always bored, and pissing and moaning, and so I said ‘Why don’t you shut the fuck up and start doing tattoos?’ I guess it stuck.”

Duncan started by inking crude pictures of breasts on fellow cellmates forearms, but truly hit his stride when he was released from prison and started a part-time job at Foaming Dawg Tattoo in Rancho Cordova. There, Walker said, Duncan found his major interest was in tattooing women, stating “sometimes you get to see their tits.”

“He was all about doing women. He was a T&A man, if you know what I mean, heh. That’s what we always used to say about Roge - he liked having sex with women.”

In 1987, Duncan is noted for giving the first lower-back tattoo, featuring the name ‘Candyi’ encircled with vines, to Candyi McCullen, now desceased.

“Once the other girls at the strip club saw that, Roge had steady work for years,” Walker said.

Walker estimated that until his retirement in 2007, Duncan inked around 750-1000 lower backs, of “young sluts, old bitches, and even dumb-ass dudes.” Subjects ranged from “tribals to celtic knots, Japanese characters and, you know, flowers and dolphins and shit.”

While Duncan is generally credited within the tattoo community for creating the trend of the lower-back designs, Walker believes he should recieve more recognition postmortem.

“They should have a statue made to honor this guy!” he said. “I mean, he invented the easy way to tell if a girl is going to put out. That makes him ten times better than that Churchill motherfucker for sure.”

• Reblogged from The Sacramento Chronicle

• January 20, 2010, 3:24pm

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