: Archive

The Sacramento Cee: Woman is once, twice, three... →

OAK PARK — 19-year-old ‘lady of the night’ Yvonne Jones made it with three separate johns in one night, an area pimp reports. Oscar “Lil’ Papi” Wrigley, who wished to be identified as an ‘urban entrepreneur,’ said of the event, “Dumb bitch is a slut — but Papi always gets Pa-paya.”…

Jul 29th

20 notes

I have news.

I think after almost a year of malaise, the internet has re-booted to be funny again. Observe: And…. Keep on blowin it, world, and I’ll keep on being amused.

Jul 7th

Jul 2nd

1 note

Jun 2nd

May 21st

Apr 6th

1 note

The Sacramento Cee: Pretty sure some news just... →

Hey, I used to reblog this more often. PAY ATTENTION SACRAMENTO? — (THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE - CHECK BACK FOR MORE INFORMATION) The Sacramento Chronicle has learned of some news occurring in the Sacramento area. This situation could be a multiple-car injury accident. Or a building dedication. Or a protest march. Or a local company going out of…

Apr 6th

5 notes

Johnson gives up 'strong mayor' initiative in...

thesacramentocee: DOWNTOWN — Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson released a statement Wednesday that he would officially drop his push and legal fight for a ‘strong mayor’ initiative that would be brought to voters in June. Conversely, Johnson said in a media event earlier today that he was feeling “juiced” about his future and then asked reporters if anyone wanted to “spot him.” The mayor then...

Feb 5th

5 notes

Jan 26th

3 notes

Roger Duncan, dead at 54, invented popular tattoo...

I agree. Fuck Winston Churchill. thesacramentocee: RANCHO CORDOVA — Roger Duncan, a man recognized for popularizing the immensely popular lower back tattoo placement known as ‘the tramp stamp’ was found dead in his Rancho Cordova mobile home Monday. He was 54. The coroner’s office says that no cause of death was immediately apparent, and foul play did not appear to be involved. Duncan lived...

Jan 20th

4 notes

I sang a song by the Monkees last night.

At Karaoke. It’s called ‘Stepping Stone.’ Serene said she’d never heard it. This made me wonder if a lot of people hadn’t heard it. So then I was going to put a video up. But there are no good videos. So, I made this instead. Peep that LaLa dot com link I just want people to know they didn’t just write songs for Smash Mouth to cover.

Jan 14th

Jan 13th

2 notes

Dining and whining: Finding my sea-legs at the...

thesacramentocee: Welcome Sacramento food and drink lovers to my inaugural Dining and Whining column! I’ll be your matre’d. Fleck Whineman’s the name, nice to greet you. I’m a 4.5 month native of Sacramento, originally hailing from Bangor, Maine. I recieved my Associate’s degrees in food technology and woodshop at Bangor Community College, so I’m very comfortable as a foodist’s liaison (and...

Jan 9th

2 notes

My Moped Army profile page →

…. is my main ‘creative’ outlet.

Jan 8th

To tell the truth...

Most of my energy and bloginity is going to this these days: http://thesacramentocee.tumblr.com But I’ll try and keep going here too. Here’s a song and a picture for today:

Jan 8th

Dec 28th

2 notes

DEAR EVERYONE: YOU'RE WELCOME

Thanks to Srosen, Slusano, and all the whitest of devils for the inspiration, support and the drive to continue.

Dec 23rd

MY NEW LIST OF INTERNET CONSPIRACIES

Dec 22nd

Watch

I love this and you should too.

Dec 22nd

1 note

Brand new items just in time for American Winter...

Moped army t-shirts, everyone! Contact me about one of these great deals for mom or sis or dad! Or friends!

Dec 17th

Dec 16th

An ironically late first!

“Oral Roberts School of Dentistry.” That is all.

Dec 15th

Dec 14th

2 notes

Dec 13th

Dec 12th

1 note

Dec 8th

1 note

A GLANCE INTO THE NEAR LOL-TURE (part 2)

Ok. So… like, what. 3 years ago? The whole LOLcat thing started. Don’t pretend you didn’t think it was heeeee-larious when it came out. it fit all the criteria for internet-wonder - silly picture, absurdist caption — absolutely no meaning or message or profundity whatsoever. So we won that one, inter-fans. We had LOLcats. And they were amusing. ‘Monorail cat’...

Dec 3rd

1 tag

A GLANCE INTO THE NEAR FUTURE (i hope)

Hi kids. The truth is, I love the internet. I love it! It fills me with more delight than Claussen brand spears, which is easily my favorite pickle. I also like thinking about the future. Would I call myself a visionary? Not exactly. But I DO refer to myself as lord-and-master-of-all-things-concerning-you-fucking-peasants, so I may have a bit of perspective to share (and you’ll listen if...

Dec 2nd

1 note

Nov 26th

1 note

The blog about the hungry dog.

Today I was going to use the phrase ‘whet your appetite’ in type. But then I thought, “Has it gotten to the point where so many people think it’s actually ‘wet your appetite’ that someone would argue up and down that I was wrong about the way I spelled it?” So, instead I said something else — something dumber. I don’t remember what. And for...

Nov 26th

Ruining the internet. →

‘How do you turn it off?’ ‘It CAN’T be turned off!’

Nov 20th